They use a mixture of fear and self-hatred to fuel you to do better 

My former school is one that gets great grades, I can’t deny that, but it comes at a high cost in the form of torment and damage to your self-esteem.

I was one of the more well-behaved students, so I tended not to get the brunt of it, but the term ‘a culture of fear’ is definitely fitting. They really created an environment where you felt like you had no space to speak up, and you couldn’t challenge anyone or anything. 

You had to do absolutely everything that was asked of you, or else you would be in a lot of trouble, and that would involve demeaning practices like making a big example of children, some of whom would be 11 years’ old.

They used a mixture of fear and self-hatred to fuel you to do better academically.  Because if you didn’t do well in a test or if you got a bad grade, you would feel the consequences of it, like being made to stay behind after school to do extra classes and catch up on stuff. 

It really attacked your self-esteem. If I was slipping behind in a class, I felt so bad about myself. It got so bad at one point I was self-harming, which was horrible and something no child should experience.

There were definitely some teachers that you felt comfortable with and could build a trust around, although generally not the ones in more senior positions. But there were ones that did seem like they genuinely cared, particularly when I was at sixth form, I guess because there’s a bit of a different relationship that’s more laid back. But what me and my peers did notice is that a lot of the teachers that we liked the most didn’t stay very long at all. I’m assuming because they didn’t like the practices there.

After A-levels I went onto [a Russell Group] university, and when I would tell people about my school they would be absolutely gobsmacked. They couldn’t believe any of the stuff that was going on. 

I’ve had counselling and therapy in recent years, because I tied a lot of my academic and workplace achievement to my self-worth, which I believe stems from my schooling. It is obviously unhealthy and something that I knew I needed to work on untying, .

When I see media coverage arguing that this kind of approach is needed for the kids from more deprived backgrounds I get so angry – it’s really insulting, because no one deserves to go through that. You can push kids to do well in a way that doesn’t involve completely wrecking how they perceive themselves. I didn’t need to be treated like this to ‘achieve my true potential’, which I think was the tagline they love to use. I would have still got good grades at another type of school. 

It’s become very clear to me that all schools like this care about is looking good in tables and statistics, they don’t really care about what happens after you leave. When I was in sixth form they had quite a big push for people to go on to Oxbridge, and they put all the emphasis on those students. 

But in my year group at least, most of the students that went either dropped out, were kicked out, or took a year out after graduating because of the severe burnout they had afterwards. But when you’re completely drained emotionally and realise you can’t actually handle Oxbridge, no one from school is there to pick up the rubble.

Student, London